Post by Chloe Berry on Mar 23, 2017 6:49:45 GMT -5
Personal Essay
The most daunting place I can think of on this planet is a hospital. The smell and the vibe of sadness all around you. Having to walk the corridors of Larbet hospital everyday was very challenging not just for me but for my mum and gran too. Every day there was something different going on in ward B32. The only thing that kept me motivated to walk down those corridors was going to see my papa, even though the hospital is the last place you would ever want to see your loved ones.
For as far as I can remember back, myself and papa had been very close. If it wasn’t going on holidays together it would be travelling all over Britain racing our greyhounds and making them the best they could be. Ever since I was little I used to refuse to go home back to my own house with my mum mostly because I enjoyed being in my gran and papa’s company. I truly looked up to my papa as a role model as he was such an inspiration to me. My papa was the only one who told me to follow my dreams and never give up. I could have never imagined my life without him, deep down I knew that day would come, but not soon.
Each day had a routine especially as we had greyhounds, we had everything planned for the day ahead, walk times, feeding times and most importantly to myself and papa who would be doing the dreaded morning walk. I remember I chose to do it that morning as my papa has a doctor’s appointment. For a change it was a lovely sunny morning until I got an emergency phone call to get home as soon as possible, suddenly the sun wasn’t shining anymore it felt like my who world had went dull. My papa had been admitted to hospital. I didn’t understand as my papa was a naturally healthy man and was very active. All I got told was he was getting blood tests done and he would be out soon. I never questioned it as soon to me felt like he would be out that day.
Yes, finally he did get out of hospital after two months of being inn, he had gone several blood tests and was very tired all the time. I was just glad he was out and back at home with us. He managed to get out just before Christmas so to myself that was an early Christmas present for me and probably the best present ever which would be getting to spend Christmas with not only my papa but my best friend. I still remember he didn’t look much better from when he was inn hospital but in my mind they wouldn’t have let him out if he wasn’t going to get better. I remember Christmas, we had a great day, and his main priority of course was going down to see the greyhounds, his face lit up and a massive smile appeared on his face when he seen them, seeing them totally made his day and he managed to give them a good brush and watch them play in the garden. To myself that was the highlight of my day just seeing him happy made me happy. I remember clear as day Lucky who we still have as at retired pet to this day, coming up to him and resting his head to my papa’s knee and cuddled into him, it made me tear up a little as it was a precious moment to cherish and see. I knew myself my papa was ill but refused to believe it and to what I believed that it would take him a while to get better. It saddened me to watch him lying in bed all day but in my head it was a part of the recovery progress.
Cancer. One very strong word. It can change so many lives very quickly. I remember my mum sitting me down and explaining the illness to me. It didn’t need much explanation as I knew how fatal it could be. Instantly I went to see my papa, he was very upset and so were we all. I just couldn’t get my head around why him? He was a healthy active man several months ago. Nights later he traumatically took a turn for the worst and was admitted back into hospital. Where he would remain for the time being.
Each day I would go and visit him without a fail and he would always ask about the greyhounds and wanting to see pictures of them. He lived for the greyhounds and the sport. Most days when I visited it would just be the same, he was just lying in bed. To this day I still remember the last day I seen him, he was very poorly and on a high dosage of morphine. He didn’t really know who we were, I stayed for hours that day and night, not much conversation was made, he just kept drifting in and out of sleep. I do remember him wakening up and saying ‘ Chloe, look after yourself and gran’, after he said that I realised he wasn’t going to get better and was devastated as I always had hope that he would make a massive recovery even though deep down I knew how ill he was and it was terminal cancer.
Typical Monday morning came and I was getting ready for school. All of a sudden my mum came through and sat me down, I knew what she was going to tell me, deep down I knew it was about my papa but I didn’t believe it. Died? I was in pure denial, my papa had just passed away through the night, my whole world crashed down and I felt like I was alone. I remained in shock, no one could get a word out of me the whole day. Never would I have ever imagined my life without my best friend, and losing him when I was only fifteen broke my inside, still to this day I still feel like I haven’t fully recovered. I don’t think I ever will. Losing him so soon, it was far too soon. I felt like I had lost everything.