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Post by mpollock on Jan 18, 2016 8:43:58 GMT -5
As there have been changes to the way that folios are marked, you are required to copy and paste your folio piece into a new template. N5_Higher_Portfolio.docx (18.01 KB) Please download this document and copy and paste your piece into this. You will probably need at least 2 pages, so remember to number the pages and insert your candidate number. Do this now for all folio pieces you give in to me so that we have a backup if anything goes wrong! Thanks!
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Post by jamieb98 on Feb 5, 2016 4:19:23 GMT -5
Should it be hard work or talent that is rewarded in today’s society?
People that are born with raw talents and have the ability to bond with something naturally at a young age like football, singers, comedians only have to train and maintain their standard in that specific talent.
On the other hand, it’s not so easy for people that have to work very hard to where they want to get and for what they earn after achieving their goal, do you think it’s fair that they aren’t paid as much as people with just raw talents are? Jobs such as being a doctor or a nurse don’t get paid anywhere near to what world class footballers get but they do so much more work than footballers to get to the position and are put in life threating situations, footballers have nowhere near that amount of pressure.
People like comedians, singers, footballers etc. are paid outrageous amounts just mainly for entertainment, but should this be the case? Singers for example release records that last only minutes to earn a substantial amount from just that one song, more than the average citizen would make in a year’s wages and if they release a whole album could make the wages of about 5 average, hardworking citizens for a whole year, do you think this is right?
Comedians make enormous amounts of money just for the fact that they can keep the audience occupied for maybe about an hour with sometimes some sick jokes but are paid a lot more than people who are actually helping the sick and poor, is that also not wrong?
Footballers are generally paid the most out of comedians and singers, training ¾ hours a day, 5/6 days a week and kicking a ball about for 90 minutes maybe slightly more, but many think it’s wrong? Footballers play a massive part in entertainment. There is the well-known “Champions League” that most football fans love and adore, but they don’t help society in many ways. All the big names drive around in fancy, extortionate cars, wear all the elaborate, upmarket clothing and doing absolutely anything for their kids. Earning the wages that they do is appalling, just for entertainment, their big pay check doesn’t really justify what they do.
However, doctors and nurses are different. They spend around 7 years in University, doing diligent work, to become fully qualified and to know how to save lives. They will be put under intense pressure and have to deal with life threatening instant making decisions. They will earn roughly £75,000 to £100,000. Does that really justify doing what they will have to do and not earning a penny close to what people with natural talents earn, it just doesn’t seem right?
£75,000 to around £100,000 would seem quite a substantial amount to the normal citizen who probably sits close to the threshold which is around £25,000, but people that are doctors and nurses, who do so much more to help ill people of the public, their wages don’t clarify the importance of work they do.
The average person can only dream of a strong financial position. The fancy cars, houses and holidays would only be a figure of their imagination. They work daily, hours upon hours a week, only to earn a satisfactory wage to maintain all they need for that month ahead and some money to save for holidays. That is what they dream of. But footballers, comedians and singers can pay for that type of holiday in a week and to think that is just scary, being able to splash thousands of pounds on one holiday, as if it was nothing and most people having to save so hard for things like that just doesn’t seem fair.
To conclude. Personally I do not think this it is fair that people who risk and save lives do not get paid anything near to what people that just entertain the public for a few hours get.
In society I think that we should value hard-working people that actually help the society because without them the country, and indeed the world, wouldn’t be able to function properly.
I think that doctors and nurses should be rewarded for their challenging, exhaustive work that they do, day in day out, something close to what footballers or singers get. Saving lives is so much more important and worthwhile than paying to see your favourite artist sing, or to see your favourite football team playing, because without doctors or nurses, some might never be able to see their favourite team play or artist sing ever again.
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Post by jamieb98 on Feb 5, 2016 4:25:02 GMT -5
Game Changer
It was game day. When me and my dad went down to the subway to wait on our train to take us to our footballing home, Ibrox. The atmosphere was electric like the striking power of a lightning bolt.
We were waiting a good fifteen to twenty minutes on the train when we first arrived at the subway, listening to half-drunk men singing all the sectarianism someone could possibly think of over and over again. It made me feel paranoid. Standing in a big crowd, all huddle together like pigs in a pen. I was frightened, thinking that something was thrown at me or I was thrown into something. The train had finally arrived and the feeling of relief shot through me and as I tried to set foot on the train, me and my dad were bulldozed out the way by towering, half-drunk men and there wasn’t even a little room for me and my dad too squeeze on because after this happened the train was fully packed.
We then had to wait for another fifteen to twenty minutes for the next train to arrive with even more shouting and screaming songs that are so offensive to some people over and over. At this point, I didn’t feel as if I was enjoying myself, I kept on thinking all the bad things that could occur and was feeling sick.
The train finally arrived and stopped for us to get on and with a sigh of relief thinking it’s closer until I get off the train and out the subway, not spending any more time with the people I just shared about an hour and will never want to see them again.
Squashed even more than we were outside, even more shouting going on, showing their love for their beloved team was giving me a headache. Although I am a supporter of the same team, I just wished that there was a moment of silence for just a second or two, but I knew it was never going to happen. It seemed like every possible song that was sung by Rangers fans was getting drummed into my head and I felt shocked, disgusted with some of the things that were being sung, which was nothing but offensive towards our rivals, Celtic, and we weren’t even playing them in that game. All the songs were about them apart from the odd few and its so sad that its came to that, hating them so much that they just sing about them even know we’re not playing them.
The train had come to a halt and everyone rushed off as fast as they could to go and watch their favourite team play.
As a fan, going to games can be a good experience but can also be a bad experience. The excitement of the games gets you pumped with adrenaline, sitting in your seat, waiting on your team to set foot on the pitch to play the beautiful game can give you a buzz and when they come out the tunnel, the roar of the crowd is ecstatic and watching the game makes the atmosphere even better.
The bad sides to being a fan is that the fans that can give your team a bad reputation or ruin the reputation completely through the things they do like going to your rivals area that they live in and start fights and end up getting arrested or vandalise places with horrible images or sayings that can offend people in a lot of different ways and this mainly happens a few days before big games, on the night or after the two teams play.
Another bad thing about being a fan of a specific football team is that you cannot go into some places with your teams colour or top on without some people saying some sort of offensive or sarcastic thing about it. Personally, I think that it’s sad that it has gotten this bad, once a beautiful that had rivals that did have some hate for each other but didn’t have as much fighting or vandalism, now in the present, football mainly consists of brawling and abusive language being roared at one another. There are a lot of fans that aren’t like this and they just want to enjoy a good game of football, but there are others who have supporter groups that will support their team till the day they die and are classed as “diehard fans” which will stand by the club no matter what happens. Doing anything for the club, showing they love their team is a good thing as they show loyalty but at the same time it can be a bad thing because they are the people that cause most of the sectarianism and give the club a bad reputation and doing that can spoil it for others because some people might not want to go to games anymore because they might think that some fights might happen and they don’t want to be involved.
I personally think that they should try and get rid of the groups that cause sectarianism because it ruins the game. The game should be a meeting of two teams, a few songs sang and then that should be it done, even if they are rivals, not all of the fighting that happens? They should have more respect for each other, or not showing the disrespect they have for each other in the way that they do. I like going to games because of the atmosphere and good sportsmanship but I don’t like it at the same time because I don’t want to get involved with the two teams brawling and I think it’s sad that it’s gotten this bad that sometimes I don’t want to go and watch the game I love without fear.
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Post by mpollock on Feb 6, 2016 6:19:30 GMT -5
Should it be hard work or talent that is rewarded in today’s society? (Let’s use a technique here now)
People that are born with raw talents and have the ability to bond with something naturally at a young age like football, singers, comedians only have to train and maintain their standard in that specific talent. (More needed in intro – something to hook the reader in. e.g. Shocking quotation, fact or figure.)
Firstly, it’s not so easy for people that have to work very hard to where they want to get and for what they earn after achieving their goal, do you think it’s fair that they aren’t paid as much as people with just raw talents are? (Clumsy topic sentence. Make concise and clear) Jobs such as being a doctor or a nurse don’t get paid anywhere near to what world class footballers get but they do so much more work than footballers to get to the position and are put in life threating situations, footballers have nowhere near that amount of pressure.(Evidence? Summary sentence?)
People like comedians, singers, footballers etc. (not in discursive essay) are paid outrageous amounts just mainly for entertainment, but should this be the case? Singers for example release records that last only minutes to earn a substantial amount from just that one song, more than the average citizen would make in a year’s wages and if they release a whole album could make the wages of about 5 average, hardworking citizens for a whole year, do you think this is right? (How much do they earn? How much is the average wage for a citizen? Rhetorical questions should be more considered.)
Comedians make enormous amounts of money just for the fact that they can keep the audience occupied for maybe about an hour with sometimes some sick jokes but are paid a lot more than people who are actually helping the sick and poor, is that also not wrong? (One sentence paragraph! Where is topic sentence? Evidence? Examples? Summary sentence?)
Footballers are generally paid the most out of comedians and singers, training ¾ hours a day, 5/6 days a week and kicking a ball about for 90 minutes maybe slightly more, but many think it’s wrong? (not a question) Footballers play a massive part in entertainment. There is the well-known “Champions League” that most football fans love and adore, but they don’t help society in many ways. All the big names drive around in fancy, extortionate cars, wear all the elaborate, upmarket clothing and doing absolutely anything for their kids. Earning the wages that they do is appalling, just for entertainment, their big pay check doesn’t really justify what they do. (Topic sentence doesn’t link to evidence and argument of this paragraph)
However, doctors and nurses are different. (in what way?) They spend around 7 years in University, doing diligent work, to become fully qualified and to know how to save lives. They will be put under intense pressure and have to deal with life threatening instant making decisions. They will earn roughly £75,000 to £100,000. Does that really justify doing what they will have to do and not earning a penny close to what people with natural talents earn, it just doesn’t seem right? (phrasing strange. Sounds like you are saying they don’t deserve the money at first. Repetitive questioning)
£75,000 to around £100,000 would seem quite a substantial amount to the normal citizen who probably sits close to the threshold which is around £25,000, but people that are doctors and nurses, who do so much more to help ill people of the public, their wages don’t clarify the importance of work they do. (Again, one sentence paragraph. Overlong and needs to be made more concise with expansion to argument)
The average person can only dream of a strong financial position. The fancy cars, houses and holidays would only be a figure of their imagination. They work daily, hours upon hours a week, only to earn a satisfactory wage to maintain all they need for that month ahead and some money to save for holidays. That is what they dream of. But footballers, comedians and singers can pay for that type of holiday in a week and to think that is just scary - being able to splash thousands of pounds on one holiday, as if it was nothing and most people having to save so hard for things like that just doesn’t seem fair. (work on sentencing. This paragraph is stronger but I’d like it to be more emotive.)
To conclude, personally I do not think this it is fair that people who risk and save lives do not get paid anything near to what people that just entertain the public for a few hours get. In society I think that we should value hard-working people that actually help the society because without them the country, and indeed the world, wouldn’t be able to function properly. I think that doctors and nurses should be rewarded for the challenging, exhaustive work that they do, day in day out, something close to what footballers or singers get. Saving lives is so much more important and worthwhile than paying to see your favourite artist sing, or to see your favourite football team playing, because without doctors or nurses, some might never be able to see their favourite team play or artist sing ever again.
Can you find any evidence for why people think they should be paid more? I’d like to see more use of persuasive techniques other than questioning. What about using ‘you’, repetition, imagery, etc.? Introduction needs a lot of work to hook reader in and lay out line of argument. Paragraphing needs work to make clear points, give evidence and expand on your point. Word Count? Bibliography?
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Post by mpollock on Feb 6, 2016 6:32:16 GMT -5
Game Changer (Good title)
It was game day. When me and my dad went down to the subway to wait on our train to take us to our footballing home, Ibrox. (Rethink sentence) The atmosphere was electric like the striking power of a lightning bolt. (Use 5 sense description to hook in reader)
We were waiting a good fifteen to twenty minutes on the train when we first arrived at the subway, listening to half-drunk men singing all the sectarianism someone could possibly think of over and over again. (singing sectarianism is an odd expression) It made me feel paranoid. Standing in a big crowd, all huddled together like pigs in a pen. I was frightened, thinking (worrying that something would be) that something was thrown at me or I was thrown into something. The train had finally arrived and the feeling of relief shot through me and as I tried to set foot on the train, me and my dad were bulldozed out the way by towering, half-drunk men and there wasn’t even a little room for me and my dad too squeeze on because after this happened the train was fully packed. (overlong sentence)
We then had to wait for another fifteen to twenty minutes for the next train to arrive with even more shouting and screaming songs that are so offensive to some people over and over. At this point, I didn’t feel as if I was enjoying myself, I kept on thinking all the bad things that could occur and was feeling sick. (examples of songs. How did they seem? More description of the fans needed)
The train finally arrived and stopped for us to get on and with a sigh of relief thinking it’s closer until I get off the train and out the subway, not spending any more time with the people I just shared about an hour and will never want to see them again. (sentencing/grammar)
Squashed even more than we were outside, even more shouting going on, showing their love for their beloved team was giving me a headache. Although I am a supporter of the same team, I just wished that there was a moment of silence for just a second or two, but I knew it was never going to happen. It seemed like every possible song that was sung by Rangers fans was getting drummed into my head and I felt shocked (and) disgusted with some of the things that were being sung, which was nothing but offensive towards our rivals, Celtic, and we weren’t even playing them in that game. All the songs were about them apart from the odd few and its so sad that its came to that, hating them so much that they just sing about them even know we’re not playing them. (it’s) (comment on why that is. Expand on your point. Why is it sad? Where does it come from?)
The train had come to a halt and everyone rushed off as fast as they could to go and watch their favourite team play. (climactic point that made you come to your point of reflection?)
As a fan, going to games can be a good experience but can also be a bad experience. The excitement of the games gets you pumped with adrenaline, sitting in your seat, waiting on your team to set foot on the pitch to play the beautiful game can give you a buzz and when they come out the tunnel, the roar of the crowd is ecstatic and watching the game makes the atmosphere even better.
The bad sides to being a fan is that the fans that can give your team a bad reputation or ruin the reputation completely through the things they do like going to your rivals area that they live in and start fights and end up getting arrested or vandalise places with horrible images or sayings that can offend people in a lot of different ways and this mainly happens a few days before big games, on the night or after the two teams play. (One, overlong, clunky sentence)
Another bad thing (repetitive phrasing) about being a fan of a specific football team is that you cannot go into some places with your teams colour or top on without some people saying some sort of offensive or sarcastic thing about it. Personally, I think that it’s sad that it has gotten this bad, once a beautiful (?) that had rivals that did have some hate for each other but didn’t have as much fighting or vandalism, now in the present, football mainly consists of brawling and abusive language being roared at one another. There are a lot of fans that aren’t like this and they just want to enjoy a good game of football, but there are others who have supporter groups that will support their team till the day they die and are classed as “diehard fans” which will stand by the club no matter what happens. Doing anything for the club, showing they love their team is a good thing as they show loyalty but at the same time it can be a bad thing because they are the people that cause most of the sectarianism and give the club a bad reputation and doing that can spoil it for others because some people might not want to go to games anymore because they might think that some fights might happen and they don’t want to be involved. (Jamie, you keep writing sentences that are far too long. Cut them down and revise use of commas)
I personally think that they should try and get rid of the groups that cause sectarianism because it ruins the game. (How would they do that?) The game should be a meeting of two teams, a few songs sang and then that should be it done, even if they are rivals, not all of the fighting that happens? (not a question) They should have more respect for each other, or not showing the disrespect they have for each other in the way that they do. (you’ve only really shown aggressive singing) I like going to games because of the atmosphere and good sportsmanship but I don’t like it at the same time because I don’t want to get involved with the two teams brawling and I think it’s sad that it’s gotten this bad that sometimes I don’t want to go and watch the game I love without fear. (Doesn’t finish on a very conclusive note)
Good effort made to use imagery throughout. I'd like to see more reflection and description of the actual incident. Make the event come alive to the reader and have it end with something that actual happens. What was it specifically that was so frightening? Describe the people singing, etc. More needed on your understanding of sectarianism and whether it is necessary anymore. Supported study available if unsure how to do this.
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Post by Dale on Nov 7, 2020 6:28:35 GMT -5
You actually suggested that exceptionally well! Best Essay writing what s a thesis in an essay
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